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Teach a man to fish - humorous alternatives

Tags: funny, fish, steak, sayings

Added: 2005-11-11 19:52
Last edited: 2010-10-05 22:41

Teach a man to fish - humorous alternatives

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I've collected some humorous alternatives to the original teach a man to fish proverb: Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you will feed him for a lifetime.

Add new ones as comments if you know any.


Teach a man to fish and he will kick your ass and steal your fishing pole.
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
Teach a man to fish, and though he's fed for life, he'll call you a miser for not giving him your fish.
Give a man a fish, he owes you one fish. Teach a man to fish, you give up your monopoly on fisheries.
Teach a man to fish, and you can sell him a ton of accessories.
Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime ... unless, of course, he doesn't like sushi -- then you also need to teach him how to cook.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day. But teach a man how to fish, and he'll be dead of mercury poisoning inside of three years.
Give a man a fish he'll eat for a day, if you teach a man a fish he'll get drunk then fall out of his boat and drown.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; Teach him to use the Internet, and he won't bother you for weeks!
Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day, but give him a case of dynamite and soon the village will be showered with mud and seaweed and unidentifiable chunks of fish.
Give a man some fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll overfish, cause famine in the next three regions and pollute the atmosphere with his fish.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give a man religion and he will starve to death praying for a fish
Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you can get rid of him for a whole weekend.
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. Enlighten him further, he owns a chain of seafood restaurants
If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day; if you give a man a machine that makes fish, teach him to operate it, and enslave him, you feed yourself for a lifetime.
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you will not have to listen to his incessant whining about how hungry he is.
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you can sell him fishing equipment.
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Unless he doesn't like sushi - then you also have to teach him to cook.
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in the boat and drink beer all day.
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to sell fish and he eats steak.
Give a man a fish, and you satisfy his fish craving for a day. Give him fish aversion therapy, and you eliminate the craving for life.
Give a woman a fish and you'll be sleeping on the couch again.
Give a man a fish, and he'll wonder what you want from him.

Comments

Comment 1

Give a man a fish, he'll eat it and keep coming back for more handouts. Teach a man to fish and he'll clean out your waterways so you starve.

Comment 2

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and somewhere some woman is going to have to learn how to clean and gut that fish, then how to prepare it, and finally, how to put up with those neverending "fish stories" about the one that got away.

Comment 3

Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and he will never come back to church. (works in Africa)

Comment 4

Give a man a fish and you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and he'll say "WHERE'S MY FISH, YOU IDIOT?"

Comment 5

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give a man a rifle and he will say "Screw the damn sushi, I'm having steak tonight"

Comment 6

Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life. (Terry Pratchett)

Comment 7

Giv a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will store bait in the fridge.

Comment 8

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to be gay and he'll eat cocks for the rest of his life.

Comment 9

Give a man a fish, he'll have one meal. Teach a man to fish, his whole family dies and the fish start sleeping with his wife, who is dead.

Comment 10

Teach a man to fish; you've fed him for a day. Give him a rifle and he's fed for a lifetime...however short that might be.

Comment 11

....Teach a man to fish and he'll have to buy a license, pole, reel, lures, boat, trailer, towing package, bigger garage, ...

Comment 12

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Give a man improperly prepared pufferfish, and he eats for the rest of his life.

Comment 13

Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day. Show him your hooters and make a friend for life!

Comment 14

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he'll eat for weeks!

Comment 15

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't teach him how to fish.

Comment 16

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't teach him how to fish.

Comment 17

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fly-fish... and you'll never hear the end of it.

Comment 18

Teach a man to fish and you will feed him for life. Give a man a fish and he will join the democrat party

Comment 19

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you lose a Democrat voter

Comment 20

Teach a man to fish. He's a grown ass man and fishing isn't that f'ing hard :)

Comment 21

Give a man atheism and he will starved to death waiting for it to evolve into a fish.

Comment 22

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you lose a steady customer.

Comment 23

Feed a man fish - and then he wants chips.
Give him chips and he asks for peas.
Why not cut out the fish, make him a vegetarian, and help restore the balance of cod in the North Sea ???

Comment 24

Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach a man to phish, and he'll clean out your bank account.

Comment 25

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Hit him with a fish, and he goes away for good!

Comment 26

Teach a man to get a job, and he can buy fish at the store

Comment 27

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, give a man a fishing pole and he'll choke on it.
Give a man a fish he'll eat for an hour, give a man a wooden fish he'll be gnawing on it for a day.
Give a fish a man and it's probably JAWS!
Give a man eating fish in a restaurant pepper and it spices up the flavor, give a man eating fish some pepper in the sea and it spices up the you.
Give a man a dog and he can take it for a walk, give a man a fish he can take it for a drag.

Comment 28

Littlepear sez,"You can lead a man to fish, but you cannot make him water."

Comment 29

2010-11-14 00:31

Comment 30

Teach a man to fish and if him still come for handout, you better feed him to the fish.

Comment 31

Teach a man how to fish, and you won't be able to sell fish to him again.

Comment 32

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to catch a fish, he eats for a lifetime. But teach a fish to catch and eat a man and you have really accomplished something.

Comment 33

give a man a poisoned fish and he will be fed for the rest of his life.

Comment 34

give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a man religion and he dies praying for a fish

Comment 35

Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to mess with the mafia and he'll be feeding the fishes before the day is over.

Comment 36

Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day. Try to teach a man to fish and most likely he won't listen to you especially if you are a woman and a better angler!!!

Comment 37

Give Sandusky a child and he'll diddle for a day, give Sandusky a youth football camp and he'll diddle for a lifetime.

Comment 38

Teach a woman to fish marry her and you will have a cook for life. And if the fish aren't biting give her your rod!

Comment 39

Teach your wife to work and fish. Then you can sit on the river bank drink beer and watch her catch the big one.

Comment 40

"Give a man a fish, he eats for a day, Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime," Today let's make sure everyone has a fishing pole...

Comment 41

Give a man a fish it reduces the level of commitment to teach. Teach a man to fish you'll never reel a fish in, in your own boat again.

Comment 42

The man already knew how to fish but we privatized and polluted his waterways. He knew how to hunt but we fenced off the land and killed all the buffalo. He knew how to grow corn but we patented the seed and he cant afford the royalties.

Comment 43

Teach a man to fish and he will quit work.

Comment 44

Give a woman a fish and you'll feed her for a day. Teach a woman to fish, she'll refuse to learn, nag "You never bring me fish anymore" and when you explain why, she'll tell you she never really liked fish anyway.

Comment 45

Give a republican a fish and he'll take it, right before he calls you a Socialist.

Comment 46

Give a teabilly a fish and he'll take it, then he'll call you a Socialist Communist Fascist, shoot you in the face with his AR 15 and blame it all on Obama.



Comment 47

Give a man a fish and he'll eat a day. Teach him to fish and mankind will face fish extinction.

Comment 48

Give a man a fish and he'll eat a day. Teach him to fish and mankind will face fish extinction.

Comment 49

#21 doesn't make any sense.

Comment 50

You can lead a man to water, but you cannot make him fish.

Comment 51

give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. smack him in the teeth and the fish will last a week

Comment 52

Give a man a gun & he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank & he can rob everyone!

Comment 53

Give a man the fish of someone else, and he will vote for you for life.

Comment 54

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day



Teach and to fish and he has to buy bamboo rods, graphite reel, monofilament lines, neoprene waders, tackle boxes, lures, 20 pocket vest, fish finder, depth sounder, radar boat, trailers, global positioning system, cookers and a six pack of Mountain Dew

Comment 55

give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach him how to fish you'll have to hear about the big one that got away fro the rest of your life

Comment 56

Give a man a fish and you've fed him for a day; teach him how to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime; teach a man how to do something new on a computer and he'll be bugging you next month how to do it because he forgot. He's got no incentive to remember it, like staving off starvation. So don't ask me how to do that thing you want to do in Excel until you've fasted for 3 days!

Comment 57

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and he can sit in his boat all day and drink BEER

Comment 58

Teach a man with Alzheimer's to fish and you've fed him for a day.

Comment 59

Give a man a fish and he'll spend 2 grand on a fish tank.

Comment 60

Give a man a fish and he'll spend 2 grand on a fish tank.

Comment 61

Give a man a fish and he will become a Democrat and will demand 2 fish tomorrow, Teach a man to fish and he will become a Republican and demand the Democrat stop stealing his fish.

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