Teach a man to fish - humorous alternatives

I've collected some humorous alternatives to the original teach a man to fish proverb: Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you will feed him for a lifetime.

Add new ones as comments if you know any.


Teach a man to fish and he will kick your ass and steal your fishing pole.
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
Teach a man to fish, and though he's fed for life, he'll call you a miser for not giving him your fish.
Give a man a fish, he owes you one fish. Teach a man to fish, you give up your monopoly on fisheries.
Teach a man to fish, and you can sell him a ton of accessories.
Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime ... unless, of course, he doesn't like sushi -- then you also need to teach him how to cook.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day. But teach a man how to fish, and he'll be dead of mercury poisoning inside of three years.
Give a man a fish he'll eat for a day, if you teach a man a fish he'll get drunk then fall out of his boat and drown.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; Teach him to use the Internet, and he won't bother you for weeks!
Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day, but give him a case of dynamite and soon the village will be showered with mud and seaweed and unidentifiable chunks of fish.
Give a man some fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll overfish, cause famine in the next three regions and pollute the atmosphere with his fish.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give a man religion and he will starve to death praying for a fish
Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you can get rid of him for a whole weekend.
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. Enlighten him further, he owns a chain of seafood restaurants
If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day; if you give a man a machine that makes fish, teach him to operate it, and enslave him, you feed yourself for a lifetime.
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you will not have to listen to his incessant whining about how hungry he is.
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you can sell him fishing equipment.
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Unless he doesn't like sushi - then you also have to teach him to cook.
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in the boat and drink beer all day.
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to sell fish and he eats steak.
Give a man a fish, and you satisfy his fish craving for a day. Give him fish aversion therapy, and you eliminate the craving for life.
Give a woman a fish and you'll be sleeping on the couch again.
Give a man a fish, and he'll wonder what you want from him.